a writing block
I should be writing up my dissertation but i'm not. I should be writing my blog but I'm not. I can't. I have to. But I can't.
It's related I'm sure to identity. I don't know who I am when I'm writing. This thought in itself challenges a belief I've always had that I am I regardless of who's listening or talking to me.
I don't belong anywhere in my writing. My research and writing is irrelevant in my principle job which gives me a regular salary. So research and writing has to be something extra-curricular. Nurturing or belonging to a community where my writing belongs takes time and takes time away from writing. What's more, as I have an exclusive contract with my current institution, I am not alowed to do any projects or work outside.
I need a community to write for, but cultivating it and having to cultivate it subversively takes so much energy that I don't have time, especially time in terms of the headspace, to write.
I've tried all summer to get my head round what looks, I'm sure, like a simple problem. But I can't. And I'm worried about what I'm going to do next.
It's related I'm sure to identity. I don't know who I am when I'm writing. This thought in itself challenges a belief I've always had that I am I regardless of who's listening or talking to me.
I don't belong anywhere in my writing. My research and writing is irrelevant in my principle job which gives me a regular salary. So research and writing has to be something extra-curricular. Nurturing or belonging to a community where my writing belongs takes time and takes time away from writing. What's more, as I have an exclusive contract with my current institution, I am not alowed to do any projects or work outside.
I need a community to write for, but cultivating it and having to cultivate it subversively takes so much energy that I don't have time, especially time in terms of the headspace, to write.
I've tried all summer to get my head round what looks, I'm sure, like a simple problem. But I can't. And I'm worried about what I'm going to do next.
posted by bev trayner at 9/01/2005 10:45:00 PM
3 Comments:
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Well, you have a reader here! And your blog is on my top 5!
I find it really interesting to read about the identity crisis of a foreigner living in my own country. I feel I share many of those crisis by being a portuguese in Turkey.
Thanks for keeping on with the writing. Keep sharing please!
Thanks Aziz! It always helps not feeling like the only one.
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