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Thursday, September 01, 2005

a writing block

I should be writing up my dissertation but i'm not. I should be writing my blog but I'm not. I can't. I have to. But I can't.

It's related I'm sure to identity. I don't know who I am when I'm writing. This thought in itself challenges a belief I've always had that I am I regardless of who's listening or talking to me.

I don't belong anywhere in my writing. My research and writing is irrelevant in my principle job which gives me a regular salary. So research and writing has to be something extra-curricular. Nurturing or belonging to a community where my writing belongs takes time and takes time away from writing. What's more, as I have an exclusive contract with my current institution, I am not alowed to do any projects or work outside.

I need a community to write for, but cultivating it and having to cultivate it subversively takes so much energy that I don't have time, especially time in terms of the headspace, to write.

I've tried all summer to get my head round what looks, I'm sure, like a simple problem. But I can't. And I'm worried about what I'm going to do next.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

9/01/2005 11:05:00 PM  
Blogger Aziz said...

Well, you have a reader here! And your blog is on my top 5!
I find it really interesting to read about the identity crisis of a foreigner living in my own country. I feel I share many of those crisis by being a portuguese in Turkey.
Thanks for keeping on with the writing. Keep sharing please!

9/04/2005 07:50:00 PM  
Blogger bev trayner said...

Thanks Aziz! It always helps not feeling like the only one.

9/05/2005 12:06:00 PM  

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